You asked and we delivered! Black Label Technologies is proud to present
The Flern - a completely new bodily organ!!!

Black Label has gone to the trouble of engineering a new bodily organ because we know you're tired, dead tired, of the same old organs. You're tired of their limited function, tired of their vunerablity, and tired of their constant failure. Well so are we!
Made entirely of fireproof glass, the Flern exceeds the performance of traditional bodily organs by nearly 70% in double blind testing. The Flern is more reliable than traditional bodily organs too. That means less death, and more barbeques, for you and your friends.

With the Flern you can eat what you like, drink what you like, and smoke whatever you like whenever you like. You can be free! But don't just take our word for it, try the Flern for yourself. Just call 1-800-MY-FLERN to schedule one of our patented "Nearly Painless" implanting procedures. So call today. It will only make you stronger.
The Flern:
  • Breaks up fatty acids more quickly and efficiently.

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  • Absorbs and retains even more nutrients.

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  • Can serve as a temporary replacement for the stomach in cases of stomach failure.

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  • Processes the life essence of Gelfings up to 40% faster.

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  • Reduces "blood".

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  • Protects against hantaviruses.

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  • Repels pesky flesh-eating bacteria.

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  • Endows one with the strength of ten mortal men.

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  • Enhances ability to pilot large flying robots.

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Black Label Technologies™ is a registered subsidiary of the DOG MUSEUM.